My life these days is this nice juicy pleasant jumble. No major dramas, and lots of projects before me. My job is good. I’m still inspired by a recent workshop. I’m working on an essay about my stroke (going slow but it’s going). I’m not losing weight but I’m finally not gaining weight, either. The markets are full of good treats–just this week, I’ve had momotaro tomatoes, odoriko tomatoes, mangosteens, mango-nectarines, and a flat of strawberries. Mrmmm. My mouth is full of sweet flavors, the way I like it.
I used to hate summertime but in recent years I have come to really like this time of year. I am still not in love with Summer like I am in love with Fall and Winter, but I still think Summer is one hawt dude bearing many gifts. Not my type of dude, but he brings me the stuff I like. I mean, I like hawt dudes, but let’s say Summer Dude is blonde and buff and maybe I like dark hair? Plus my vegetable garden likes summertime and I like seeing all the produce. Like right now I’ve got over 50 tomatoes on just one tomato plant (not counting the other 3). Wowee. They’re all green, though. But they’ll soon turn red. And then I’ll eat ‘em!
But in the summer, the lizards do come out. And so do the crickets (I like their music but I really do not like to look at them). Did I tell you? I am SCARED TO DEATH of reptiles (except for tortoises–I really like tortoises) and crickets and grasshoppers. They FREAK me out. Something about how dry and gray and brown and…icky. If I were Eve in the Garden of Eden, I’d run screaming from the snake–I wouldn’t listen to it hiss. And we’d all be in Eden, still. But of course I’m sure G*d would like bring up some kind of talking mango or lychee or apple pie or some sort of tasty talking pastry and I’d be like, “Yes, whatever you say master-pastry, I will make Adam our bitch!”
Like just earlier this afternoon, the hubby and I were hanging out on the patio, where I spotted a birds’ nest. I took pictures of the birds’ nest. And then he came up to me and said, “Come to me.” Uh. He said it in a way that also meant, “And do not EVEN think about stepping back away from me danger danger danger DANGER!”
UGH. There was a lizard there. Freak out.
And so in the land of paradise is reptiles. And FEAR.
And I have promised myself as a writer to write about the terrifying. I swear, I will write the things that terrify me.
It goes against my pattern of behavior–where I always sidestep the awful, the fearful and move towards the light. I spent too many years in the horrifying dark to let myself wallow there. But as a writer, I’ve got to face it, feel it, document it, make it into art.
And so hence, the slow-writing of the essay, of the facts and events that terrified me.
And hopefully, some good writing to come on the novel–if I write the terrifying.
