thanks to everyone who has given me a virtual high five for completing my last assignment and beginning winter break. you are awesome! the feeling of celebration would not have been complete without your voices! now i am torn between my exhaustion and a deep desire to just go out and have some FUN and to RELAX.
i’ve been writing a very dark and depressing part of my novel and i think i need a few days break from that world. i’ve been writing an analytical essay that i’ve dreaded writing, and i need a break from that feeling. it’s good for me to be this pensive as i write, but i’m sort of sick of being so sensitive.
but the kind of FUN i want to have does NOT consist of going to holiday parties, which unfortunately is now what i face in the next few days.
the kind of FUN i want to have is just some one on one silliness. but the person i rely on for this is busy, and so i am alone to entertain myself. and because i rarely go out, no one is in the habit of calling me up for one on one silliness.
“jade? she must be writing.” which i usually am. or i’m fighting for decompression time. i’m a horrible friend when it comes to daily/regular physical contact (unless you are in my MFA program and have a class with me, or you work with me), and my friends have gotten used to the fact that my life has 5 zones: school, work, writing, home, and occasionally the gym (it was really really difficult to add the 5th gym zone to my world). thank goodness for IMs, email, and blogging. (all heehee-forms of writing)
this is what happens when i emerge from my hermetic writing world. no one expects to see me. not their fault. all mine.
now it is too difficult to face my loneliness. i think i will go read a book and put at least one foot back into the world of the novel.