when the writer emerges…

thanks to everyone who has given me a virtual high five for completing my last assignment and beginning winter break. you are awesome! the feeling of celebration would not have been complete without your voices! now i am torn between my exhaustion and a deep desire to just go out and have some FUN and to RELAX.

i’ve been writing a very dark and depressing part of my novel and i think i need a few days break from that world. i’ve been writing an analytical essay that i’ve dreaded writing, and i need a break from that feeling. it’s good for me to be this pensive as i write, but i’m sort of sick of being so sensitive.

but the kind of FUN i want to have does NOT consist of going to holiday parties, which unfortunately is now what i face in the next few days.

the kind of FUN i want to have is just some one on one silliness. but the person i rely on for this is busy, and so i am alone to entertain myself. and because i rarely go out, no one is in the habit of calling me up for one on one silliness.

“jade? she must be writing.”  which i usually am. or i’m fighting for decompression time. i’m a horrible friend when it comes to daily/regular physical contact (unless you are in my MFA program and have a class with me, or you work with me), and my friends have gotten used to the fact that my life has 5 zones: school, work, writing, home, and occasionally the gym (it was really really difficult to add the 5th gym zone to my world).  thank goodness for IMs, email, and blogging.  (all heehee-forms of writing)

this is what happens when i emerge from my hermetic writing world. no one expects to see me. not their fault. all mine.

now it is too difficult to face my loneliness. i think i will go read a book and put at least one foot back into the world of the novel.



Filed under Life

4 responses to “when the writer emerges…

  1. I sympathize. I’ve been reaching out to my friends, the ones I have left, since school ended.

    One of our teachers, the one who gets the most prizes and attention, said last year that writers should not have so many friends. !!! She said her students were going to too many weddings and needed to edit their relationships. Hah!

    I too have about five zones to my life – home (includes kids – a whole planet of their own), school and writing, extended family, spiritual community, Middle East activist community. I’ve let go of the Middle East activists finally. I just can’t deal. Am turning back to my spiritual community because that’s where I find my balance. Also focusing more on hubbie and kids. But trying to show up for a little writing in there, too. I am not as committed and dedicated as our two genius teachers, I guess, because I am really not writing this week. Blogging like crazy but not writing fiction.

    I want my NaNoWriMo! I think I have to just do the old Carolyn See formula – 1,000 words a day, five days a week. It generates a lot of dreck but also keeps the pump primed.

  2. Congratulations on winding up your busy period successfully! I too feel like some creaky animal coming out of hibernation at the end of long projects, and there is always the added burden of having to justify what I’ve been working on to the friends I’ve been putting off. There have been times when I have put the phone down, undialed, after imagining my about-to-be-called pal asking what I’ve been working on (that’s been worth more than her company), when she can read it (since it cost her a chunk of her social life), and how long before I disappear again (to preload me with guilt for when I must hermit up again).

    Someone out there has the magic balance between work and human interaction figured out. He or she should let the rest of us in on it.

  3. I, for one, love one on one silliness. Whatever that is. But it sounds like fun. Do not hesitate to call me if you yearn to be silly. I showed you what a good time could be had with a mere ring of keys and a trash can.

  4. I love it. I am too, emerging, dewy winged from my crysalis. (Though just barely).

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