maybe one more day

Well.  Last week I thought I had injured my boob in a kitchen accident.  I had surmised I’d gotten burned somehow.  The skin was reddened, I was experienced searing burning pain in waves with an overall sensitivity.  But over the last week, it’s become clear that the pain is not coming from burned skin but from somewhere underneath the skin, in my breast tissue.  And ugh, I feel a lump.  I don’t think it was there before last week, but who knows?  It might have been lurking for a few weeks.

I’m waiting for the pain to go away–maybe it will go away.  It’s getting uncomfortable, it’s annoying, and my body’s telling me this is a real problem that hasn’t gone away in a week’s time.  I guess I will be calling the doctor tomorrow.  I am the Queen of Denial (once, it took me 3 months to go to my doctor for colon cancer symptoms that I will not deign to list but you get the idea), and I hate having my bubble burst, but so be it.

Now I am sitting in the house alone imagining the worst and taking myself through the steps to prepare.

But of course, at the same time, I am IM’ing friends and chatting about anything else and of course, blogging.  Is it possible to be in denial and imagining the worst at the same time?  Or is this imagining stuff tied into denial?

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13 Comments

Filed under Life

13 responses to “maybe one more day

  1. w

    Jeez. Maybe this is one area where it doesn’t help to be a writer with an active imagination! Make the appointment, go see the doctor, and find out what’s what.

    Sending over strength vibes.

  2. Stephanie

    It’s not Aunt Flow that’s causing the soreness?

    I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for a negative test result. *Hug*

  3. Leonessa

    Call immediately. Why are you waiting until tomorrow? It doesn’t matter what your mind is doing one way or another. You must call in order to get the information. Getting the information will quiet your mind. If it turns out to be a false alarm, so what? Nobody will blame you for calling about such a matter.
    I am going to the city for my regular checkup but I will be looking for a message or some sign from you later on that you called your doctor. Please. Please?

  4. got a mammogram. ultrasound. saw my little tumor! but it’s probably an infection. i will live!

  5. You did? Oh good. It’s not a tumor! Yeah, if it was “hot” feeling, most probably an infection. And YEAH I am glad you did not wait another day!!!

  6. Stephanie

    So glad to hear it’s not a tumor!!! Feel better.

  7. knowing (even bad news) is always better than not knowing. glad you’re ok!

  8. So glad you’re okay. Even if it’s “only” an infection, you want that cleared up. And inflammation in the breast might be one of the causes of some breast cancers – my surgeon at UCSF is studying that. So you don’t want to leave it unattended.

    Thanks for updating me during the day, too. I was really worried, and appreciated the quick response.

  9. w

    Glad to know you’re okay, lady.

  10. zditty

    Please be OK my friend

  11. mel

    I know I already told you this, but WHEW, and thank goodness you’re ok.

  12. As someone who, with rather different symptoms, was worrying about cancer in other (male) jiggly bits, I am very glad to know you’re probably gonna be okay. 🙂

  13. Pingback: some details: mammogram nitty gritty « Writing Under a Pseudonym

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