the insurance company nurse called

My health insurance company’s nurse called and left a message. “Call me back, I’m just checking in,” said her message (to that effect anyway). So weird. And despite the lack of confidence in my brain and my general wary view of insurance companies, I called her back.

Halfway through the call I wondered if she really was for real. She didn’t have my file because “it was private,” and she just wanted to see how I was doing and if I wanted any action taken by the insurance company. SO weird. She did not know I had had a stroke. I mean, bizarre, right? It was a short call, one in which I said all was going fine, and the tests that were in line for me (G*d help me if the insurance company later claims I said there would be NO followup care and therefore all other tests would be denied coverage).

But she did say some things which bother me in general about my plight. Though of course she said many “right” things, she said, “You sound pretty well for someone who had a stroke, I can’t really tell you had one.”

Harumph. I had to tell her my motor and speech functions were not affected. But that my short term memory is shot and that anyone who is close to me knows that I’m very OFF. Anyone who doesn’t know me all that well thinks I’m a bit “airhead-y” but fine. She backed off and said all strokes affect people very differently.

It was a short call, thank goodness. But it did open up a few questions for me–that I just don’t LOOK like a stroke victim, even though I fucking hate all my hidden disabilities that scream “You just had a stroke” to me in my brain. I still feel incredulous at the thought of having had a stroke. I keep telling myself, “No way,” only to realize, “Yah, for sure you had one, because why the hell was that SO hard for you and why can’t you remember SHIT?”

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