I am making the final steps towards withdrawing from school this semester.  It is KILLING me to do it.  I have a form to fill out, and I am emailing each of the profs to let them know (I’m pretty sure they both have waiting lists into their classes and it would be nice to let people know before my paperwork goes through).  They were both professors I wanted to take, and I can only hope they have some sort of attractive option this coming Fall so I can still take them both when I recover.   (Yes, “recover,” what an odd word to me these days.  It will happen, but it is happening so slowly).

Worst of all?   I had to delete the classes off my iCal calendar on my laptop.  That just hurt.  And in their place?  Big blank swatches of time.

Ugh.  I told myself to try to be funny on this blog.



Filed under MFA, The Stroke

4 responses to “deleted.

  1. mel

    Dude. Jade. Those big blank swatches are your canvas.

    I know that I feel, somehow, more “useful” if I’m busy, doing stuff. Maybe that’s the wrong word. Anyway, I see what mean. But all that Time is for you.

    I guess recovering is like writing – you can help it along but can’t rush it, and it seems to happen slowly. Please push yourself to NOT push yourself. I’m just worried about you.

  2. I don’t delete things that I don’t want to go away. (my own brand of magical thinking) I just found the phone # of my father’s hospital room (he died six, almost seven years ago) on my cellphone after I did an update from my computer.

    I guess it would probably feel worse Not to delete the classes, and then not be able to go.

    I’m just sorry you’re in this pickle. I hope that something unexpected and good will come of this time.

  3. Have you ever thought of practicing just being still? (Stillness is the thing I’m not good at, but I’ve wanted to be good at). Stillness is a virtue and purifies the spirit. Give yourself time instead of taking those classes to go into nature and watch the flowers bloom. You are in one of the most beautiful places to live. Sit in your garden and drink roibos tea and dream. Or go for a walk. Or maybe you could use those hours to do something else? Keep them blocked off and use them to practice stillness, or to do some kind of creatively fulfilling activity that you come up with as you go. You are incredibly strong and with it. Even after your stroke, you are more on the ball than I am most of the time. With your day, you could listen to public radio. Listen to the jazz or classical station on the radio. Work with clay, and make strange objects. Do arts and crafts. Write poetry again. This advice probably sounds like a hallmark card. But really, chill. You deserve it. Part of your recovery depends on it.

  4. dude, wildguppy those are all the things i detest doing! being “still,” sitting in my garden, going for a walk, doing crafts, listening to jazz, writing poetry! argh. see what i’m up against? 😛

    i wanna go FAST, zip around town, do strenuous exercise (i’m still banned from that), write long works, read long works, and listen to techno.

    sorry for being such a curmudgeon.

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