Today was busy but it was a very good day. Enough happened such that my brain is spinning at rapid rate; the thoughts lingering long enough to create memories but slipping from my grasp such that I’m unable to write about them at length. My thoughts are not staying still long enough for me to examine them. But the general feeling is of fulfillment tonight. I think there will be good results from today.
I had a professor/friend visit me at the house and we had a long and wonderful and bonding chat. This professor has been very supportive of me all my years in the MFA program and suffered a brain injury–now our tender brains bring us closer together. Our injuries, despite their differing origin, are remarkably similar–enough for us to compare and offer support in a way that no one else can. (“Yes, me too!” is what I think we were both thinking much of the time). Of course, with both of our short term memory issues, our conversation took winding paths, and there was enlightenment in those paths, I think. Life is odd and unpredictable and joyful.
I baked today. It was a happy madness–baking and cooking bring their new challenges to me these post-stroke das. I am easily distracted while cooking and am so far known to leave a pot of rice on the counter when I’m distracted…only to wonder why it’s there half an hour later when I walk by for another reason. That’s when I realized, “Oh! I was making rice!” Something that brought me so much joy and something that I performed with such organized precision previous to my stroke is now a mad affair.
Today I left the cake mixture at least twice–to answer emails and coordinate on another matter, for instance. Normally, I’m able to multi-task and so I would remember to return to the baking…but no, once I started emailing I forgot that I was baking! Then I’d turn around quite awhile later and realize that there was batter sitting on the counter! Or the cake would be in the mixer for five minutes, and during those five minutes my thoughts would turn towards a photo I needed to take. I’d run around with the camera, only to come across the running mixer in surprise. And say again, “Oh yah! I’m baking a cake! Crap!”
Nevermind when I put the cake in the oven and have to wait an hour–I begged myself to not forget I had a cake in the oven! The gorgeous smells coming out of the oven? For some reason, I think they’re wonderful but my brain can’t link it to the fact that there is a CAKE BAKING IN THERE).
Luckily, all turned out well, and I have a delicious cake to show for it–and I have a feeling it’s fluffier because I uh, mixed it for quite awhile in some stages. Of course, when it came out of the oven, I had a slice right away…then I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. I forget to eat!
The process is a bit maddening–the waiting gives me ample time to wander and get lost, and then forget I was baking in the first place! My mind is always wandering and a bit lost–or shall I say, it’s exploring in ways I’ve never had it explore before.
Then after that, I had my doctor’s appointment with the cardiologist. We talked about surgery to close the PFO in my heart (the thing they believed caused my stroke)–and somehow yet again, I was inspired by the fact that there are things to do about this, a way out, and a sense of empowerment.
And how did my day end? With a couple of get well cards from friends (from my MFA program no less! Yes, I’m reminded that not all my MFA peers are mean)…and a wonderful package from a dear friend that I met at the writing colony last summer. It was full of wonderful and cute things–and by some weird blessing of a coincidence, she was online on IM. So we chatted for an hour and I felt whole again. I hope she felt whole too.
This is what I remember of what happened, and I know I have forgotten so many other good things (boy oh boy I keep forgetting things today–like my hubby telling me he’s going down to the basement…then me wondering WHERE he had gone about half an hour later, frantically looking for him throughout the house)….and I know I will review the lessons learned later when the day settles into my mind.
See? It was a good day.