a little spot in the world

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This is the spot where I had my stroke a little over a month ago: in the parking lot of a shopping center in Tahoe, right outside a hardware store. Today was my first time back to visit the spot where the world tilted and changed me forever. I imagined how the moment would unravel–would I quietly trace the path from the car, across the parking lot to the hardware store? Would I ponder the weeks that have gone by? What would I feel? Regardless of the details of the moment, I fully thought it would be a large commemorative opportunity.

Nope.

After parking the car, I stepped out and took a few pictures while my friend retrieved her baby from the car seat. I was done taking pictures well before she’d unstrapped her child. Together, we walked to the wall ledge in front of the hardware store, where a month ago I’d sat, eyes closed wondering why I was seeing double and feeling so…WEIRD. I paused for a few seconds and pointed at that exact spot now occupied by two red snow blowers.

And that was it.

We continued to the grocery store where we picked up snacks to eat, ingredients for dinner, and a few other odds and ends–it was an entirely grounded outing.   Not very spiritual as I had expected.

I thought I was connected to that place in the parking lot, as it holds a clear picture in my heart…but I am not, at least in real life. It was a weird sense of disconnect, one that left me grasping for a sense of place. Again, as before, I’m feeling lost here in Tahoe, not even picking up a book, and blogging only reluctantly. Instead, I am watching movies, in a further sense of disconnect from the environs.

More significant is waiting for snow that is predicted but never arrives. The aging snow that does lie in drifts around the house are stubborn icy piles that at a distance look so soft but up close look like bark-spotted snow cones. It’s raining in the Bay Area, but somehow it does not snow here.

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5 Comments

Filed under Life, The Stroke

5 responses to “a little spot in the world

  1. I don’t know if I told you, but on Jan. 3, right around the time you had your stroke, I received one of those forwarded Internet e-mails titled “Stroke Identification,” which described an experience similar to what you had. It was a freaky coincidence. I’ll forward it to you.

  2. The connections will come Jade…maybe new ones and a few of the old ones too…but they will come in time.

  3. Thanks. I’m feeling low today and thank you for the empathetic messages.

  4. What an enormous thing this is. Amazing that you’ve been through this and that– from reading other posts–you’re progressing and can talk about it so lucidly. I’m really in awe– that something can change everything so quickly and yet you continue.

    Is that the hardware store in Tahoe City?

  5. kris44118: nope–that is the hardware store in South Lake Tahoe. thanks for your good wishes. 🙂 i am healing rapidly and I am grateful for that.

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