under water

IMG_4794.JPG

To say you’re “under water” means so much. Colloquially, it means financial trouble…but I can’t help but use it to describe the feeling of immediate grief–the feeling of suffocation in new conditions where even the light feels different and refracted and things have taken on new shape. Nevermind the feeling you just can’t breathe.

It hurts too much to share with the world…and it is too private to show to the world.

These days I have taken to writing things in my personal diary (the lauded moleskine) to survive as we swim through life after my stroke, and now after a death in the family.

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6 Comments

Filed under Life, SuddenDeath

6 responses to “under water

  1. mel

    *Hugs.*

    Write in the moleskine, do what you must to take care of yourself.

  2. What a great photo. I hope you feel better.

  3. Yes. Ditto to what Mel said.

  4. It took me years to write about the major deaths in my life. Silence has a voice too, sometimes.

  5. thanks, lucette. there’s a lot unsaid for sure. 🙂

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