I’ve gained 5 pounds since my return from Israel. FIVE pounds. In a freaking week. (Yes, I also LOST 5 pounds while there, but I was thinking maybe I could keep the 5 pounds off for at LEAST a week). Oh, and when I was visiting my cardiologist today to consult on my impending surgery she said, “You can lose weight easily. Just stop eating so much!”
WHAT?! I drove home and promptly ate a bowl of cheesy poofs, courtesy of “Pirate’s Booty.” Because–because–because I hate to prove her RIGHT, I guess.
I have cramps. My boobs are sore. I am not allowed to take Ibuprofen because of the post-stroke medications I’m on. My period is astronomically heavy, because of the blood thinners I’m on.
I want to wear a bag over my head and stay in bed. While sitting on a towel, of course, because of my stupid gushing period.
Oh, and I have to write a magazine article on the Virigina Tech massacre that I so don’t want to write, because everyone is writing gorgeous thoughts, and I am just thinking, “Cho was insane. What a fucking pity,” when really I should be coming up with something intensely insightful.
Where are my sweatpants. Should I just give in to the bloat and weight gain and find myself a chocolate bar while I’m at it?
Thanks for the ear.