gah. don’t read if you’re a boy.


I’ve gained 5 pounds since my return from Israel. FIVE pounds. In a freaking week. (Yes, I also LOST 5 pounds while there, but I was thinking maybe I could keep the 5 pounds off for at LEAST a week). Oh, and when I was visiting my cardiologist today to consult on my impending surgery she said, “You can lose weight easily. Just stop eating so much!”

WHAT?! I drove home and promptly ate a bowl of cheesy poofs, courtesy of “Pirate’s Booty.” Because–because–because I hate to prove her RIGHT, I guess.

I have cramps. My boobs are sore. I am not allowed to take Ibuprofen because of the post-stroke medications I’m on. My period is astronomically heavy, because of the blood thinners I’m on.

I want to wear a bag over my head and stay in bed. While sitting on a towel, of course, because of my stupid gushing period.

Oh, and I have to write a magazine article on the Virigina Tech massacre that I so don’t want to write, because everyone is writing gorgeous thoughts, and I am just thinking, “Cho was insane. What a fucking pity,” when really I should be coming up with something intensely insightful.

Where are my sweatpants. Should I just give in to the bloat and weight gain and find myself a chocolate bar while I’m at it?

Thanks for the ear.



Filed under Life, Miscellaneous

9 responses to “gah. don’t read if you’re a boy.

  1. heh

    eat things that will make you take a crap (even more). i have this theory that that’s what makes the cramps worse because i’ve found that after several trips to the bathroom, no.2, the pain is less.

  2. oh man. TMI, heh.

    Isn’t this like losing 5 lbs when you have the flu? They always bounce back, unfortunately. Don’t think of it as gaining 5 lbs, just think of it as coming back to your normal. It means you’re healthy and not in acute grief anymore.

    As far as the chocolate goes, I’m a total enabler, so I’d say go for it. And maybe schedule a nice brisk walk for next week.

  3. Too late Jade. When a woman tells a guy, “Don’t read this”…that is like a neon light flashing in his eyes that something irresistable is about to be released!

    I hope you are feeling better soon and most of us here would probably send you the very finest chocolate we could find.

    Good luck on your Virginia Tech article. Not an easy thing to write about as emotions are all over the board.

  4. You lost five pounds in water in Israel is my take, and naturally gained it back again…..Water. That you need. That’s my take anyway. It is also pretty normal for women’s weight to vary 2 or 3 pounds on a day to day basis. Tell your cardiologist to stuff it, and take it easy on you…. the voice from over here.

    You may find this piece about the Virginia shooting interesting, she has a different take on the whole story. She is a Palestinian woman and freelance journalist and she wrote this on her blog:

  5. heh

    sorry, Susan. i thought we (jadepark) had already broke the threshold of TMI

  6. mel

    ugh. 5 lbs and your period and an insensitive remark from your cardiologist? bleah. sorry.

    i agree with susan – a brisk walk sounds good.

  7. ok–article turned in at midnight–it’s done. today i am going to drink lots of liquids (thanks oreneta) and chill out and see if my body can’t figure all this out.

    i also checked out that link–very interesting. i can’t say i wholly agree with her (this was a MADMAN rambling about Christ, and his motivations weren’t motivated by Christ, but by his own insanity), but the concept is intriguing and i’m glad she brought it up for sure.

  8. Tea

    Thanks for this! Is it selfish of me to say that I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling utterly crappy in this regard? Thanks for putting it out there.

  9. Tea: you are welcome into my sad group anytime. 🙂

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