I’m staying in today. I canceled my workout at the gym, and cleared the entire day to…be at home by myself. I just want, need some comfort.
I’m making a big vat of soup. I left the house once–in my pajamas–to go to the neighborhood store and fetch myself a bottle of apple cider for the soup.
Otherwise, I’m in. The sunlight filtering through the windows is a glorious golden color, and my dogs bark intermittently at squirrels in the yard. I plan on spending the entire day in pajamas, sitting on the couch, maybe writing (my novella? my novel? It is, after all, the eve of NaNoWriMo), maybe reading, maybe doing some thinking, some imagining.
I had the echocardiogram–I got to hold my breath a kazillion times as I watched the ultrasound of my heart–the valves flapping rhythmically and regularly. (“Hold your breath! Okay-now let it out slowly. Breathe regularly–okay, short breath, hollllld. Okay! Now hold your breath and bear DOWN!” It seems they were measuring the oxygenation of my blood?) There’s something about watching your insides on a screen–always fascinating, trying to sync up what’s happening on the outside with the interior organs. They pushed saline bubbles through my vein, to see if there’s still a leak in my heart…boy oh boy, I got severely lightheaded when they did that. SEVERELY. I asked if that was normal. I got a noncommittal answer–“Good thing you’re lying down–still dizzy?” I won’t hear back with an update for a week.
Workshop went okay. Half the class loved my story. Half the class found it overly ambitious but still seemed to like it. The Famous Writer workshop instructor HATED it. HATED it. Wrote such a scathing critique that she pulled me aside during the break and asked me if I was okay with it. She seemed apologetic, even.
But not to worry. I’ve had worse feedback experiences before, to great benefit. That’s what I told her–I’ve been workshopping a long time. I’m ok.
What she didn’t know was that I wasn’t so much hurt as totally amused and confused. What this particular Famous Writer HATES…another Famous Writer LOVES! This is the same story that my thesis director, an incredible writer who has a short story of wonderful acclaim LIKES a LOT (she said so, and I believe her because she wasn’t pulling any punches with the other stories). Sooo confusing. Especially with the contradicting feedback coming within a couple of weeks of each other.
Okay. Back to sitting on the couch, thinking, imagining, writing.