I have had an unending desire for cigarettes since Sunday morning. I quit smoking about three years ago, cold turkey. I never smoked two packs a day (or even one), but I was definitely addicted, and I’d definitely formed a smoking habit. One day, it just didn’t make me feel good. And so I quit.
Every now and then, a desire to smoke falls over me. I overcome it by taking deep breaths, by distracting myself with other activities, and as a last resort, running away from the nearest cigarette. I am not sure what brings on the craving, it seems random. But I know it started when my husband left town. Maybe it’s what I do when I’m lonely. I know that I used to smoke a LOT more when my husband went out of town years ago–if only for the fact that he HATED that I smoked and so I could only really indulge myself when he was gone.
Paired with this cigarette craving is an incredible upper back/neck muscle pain. Bleah. I mean, really sucky. It was so unbearable this afternoon that I pondered whether or not I could make my business trip this week. How could I sit on an airplane with this pain? Shmooze at a tradeshow? Grrr.
Impulsively, I made a deep tissue massage appointment. I was desperate! And they had an opening. Before the lady could finish saying “We have an opening this evening,” I said “YES.” Ohhhh, pure relief. It didn’t get rid of the neck pain entirely but for that hour and a half, I was finally in a state of relief, as the pain was kneaded out of muscles.
When you’re in unrelenting pain, any relief is heaven. Now I’m sitting on the couch, with salon pas patches slapped all over my neck, wondering where all this stress is coming from.
Why the unhealthy craving? Why the neck pain?
At least–my allergies/cold/flu have lifted.
And look above! Those are trees lining the streets with white blossoms like snow. Today, they were falling like snow, too.