‘fess up Friday

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I’m hopping on the wagon with The Literate Kitten who inspired this whole thing, and with Charlotte–I’m going to confess how my writing week has gone.

I have been largely discouraged about my writing. I am not sure if I remember it incorrectly or not, but even though I’ve always been a really slooowwww writer, the words in my head have always been the words that actually hit the page. But since my stroke, what I imagine in my head isn’t what ends up on the page.

Sometimes I just look at the page HORRIFIED wondering how the thoughts in my head, full of eloquent potential, translate into…THAT. Sometimes it’s literally aphasia–I use the wrong word. But mostly it’s just blech.

Anyway–so it’s been especially discouraging with my fiction. I just got SICK of dealing with it this week. I set my novel aside. I set my fiction aside.

And I decided to try to write an essay about my stroke. I’m facing the same old challenges–the loose handful of words and concepts in my head aren’t exactly what end up on the page. It’s like some evil monkey eats up my words en route to the page and then shits them all over the page in some stinky pile. But of course it’s not a monkey, it’s me.

It’s getting better–last year at this time I couldn’t write fiction at ALL. The words in my head REALLY got lost on the way to the page–they didn’t even make it. It was super frustrating. But even though it’s better, my frustration is still very much there.

But at least it’s different subject matter, and well–I did get my framework for the essay down.

So that’s been my writing week. A lot of self doubt, and a feeble redirection.

p.s. I feel very sheepish about bringing up the stroke so much when it comes to my writing. It doesn’t affect my life much elsewise–just with my writing.

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8 Comments

Filed under 'fess up Fridays, Writing

8 responses to “‘fess up Friday

  1. I’m sorry you had a tough writing week. I bet your writing is much better than you’re giving yourself credit for. And it’s getting better with time, which is good news. I think the essay on your stroke is a great idea, too. Looking forward to reading it!

  2. LK

    I think I am where you were last year. I just can’t seem to write AT ALL. It’ll be going on two years in August if I can’t crack through.

    So, I’m looking to you as hope, cos at least you sat down and did something. I know how painful it must feel.

    Glad you are on board with the Fridays!

  3. Jade, have you read or heard of Floyd Skloot? I just read In the Shadow of Memory. Skloot didn’t have a stroke but did suffer from a severe case of encephalitis that permanently and profoundly affected his ability to write. You might find some inspiration in his essays.

    Hope you can rest this weekend, J.

  4. Hi Joyce–yes, I read Skloot’s work! One of my other good readers here recommended him to me when I was in the initial stqages of recovery. Very helpful. 🙂

    Bustopher: plugging aaway at the essay.

    LK: I’m hoping the Fridays will keep me going!

  5. Silly me, thinking that somebody who reads so much would not have heard of Floyd Skloot. 🙂

  6. Joyce–it was not too long ago (just last year) when I read him, so it was a matter of timing. Yours was a very wise suggestion. 🙂

  7. amna

    ur knowledge for star is very true.

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