As I stated earlier, I’m blogging less. I’m taking quite a novel approach to this activity: blog when I feel like it, abstain when I do not feel like blogging.
I decided that there are enough things in my life that I do out of obligation. Like go to work and earn a living, for instance; that activity alone takes up about 12 hours a day. These obligations compete with my list of deep desires. Like write my novel, an activity that ought to take up 12 hours a day but sadly does not.
When I was on vacation…I got to a calm place in my head, a place I had not visited in quite some time. Things finally became still, in a good way. I got a bit of clarity. I wondered why I had not taken better care of myself. I wondered why my daily activities were not aligning with my longterm priorities. And given the Chinese ban on blogging, I experienced a change in my writing routine: I could not and did not blog for two weeks. And that granted me even more clarity.
So–I decided to make a change. I would focus my energy on obligations/duties/responsibilities…and on things I really WANT to do (when it comes to the things I do have a choice about). Starting with blogging. I would not blog unless I really WANTED to blog.
Anyway, that’s just boring reiterative stuff.
Today I want to blog. My hubby has left town on a long (more than two nights) business trip and I am going crazy with loneliness. I spent half the day in bed with the covers over my head, feeling the heat of the day pound through the walls, despite the air conditioning. Then I went grocery shopping, an activity that makes me oddly happy. Produce makes me happy. Yes.
And now I’m back at home again, feeling…empty. It sucks. I miss my husband already.
I have all the time now to write my novel and I cannot, because this emptiness overwhelms me. It overwhelms all thought. Perhaps I could write about my main character in his greatest loneliness (ugh! I should log off this post pronto and get on that!).
Okay, thank you blog, for getting me on the right vector.
p.s. the above picture was taken at Shanghai’s Pudong airport.