there is no such thing as utter immunity

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The flu shot served me well this season, protecting me from the flu for almost the entire duration of the flu season. I’m the kind of person who gets sick with a fever every month or two throughout the winter–but I have been gloriously sick-free.

Until this weekend. Bleah, I am sick. In bed. With fever.

Every time I try to get inspired to write, I feel a weight and cloud settle over my body–a fog so thick that the Muse can’t find her way to me.

But at least–being physically sick distracts me from my black internal mood.

Just for fun…I thought I would look back into my archives and see what happened on this date in years previous?

2 years ago, on March 1, 2007: I felt an earthquake.

2 years ago, on March 2, 2007: I celebrated the 2 month mark of my stroke recovery, and pondered the role of friendships in the process of healing. I’d also returned from a trip to Miami.

Last year, on March 2, 2007: I wondered if the MFA was worth it.

I am now struck by how much I traveled while recovering from my stroke–to be “sick and in recovery” and yet be physically ambling about! I was on blood thinners and my short term memory and other mental abilities were still impaired but I made the decision to not cut my life short and see as much of the world as possible.

It also dovetailed into the fact that I could not be left alone by myself (when you have severe memory issues, you forget to EAT) and by the fact that my husband was traveling a whole bunch for business reasons–so we decided to make the best of it. I remember telling myself that I might not remember the trips later but that somehow the experiences would make it into my psyche and I would somehow be enriched and the better for it.

And even though it seemed weird to others and weird to me now, I don’t regret having done all that traveling while sick, having to be led through the airport and getting so exhausted so easily that I slept the bulk of the time while traveling. It didn’t matter. I was engaged with life, and I was putting myself out there.

My doctors were a bit surprised but also pleased–they encouraged me to push myself. The more I pushed myself they said, the better off I’d be.

Now. Why don’t I have that spirit in me today, when all healed? Sick now, sick then. But way different.

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5 Comments

Filed under Abstract Thoughts, The Stroke

5 responses to “there is no such thing as utter immunity

  1. Leila A

    Some believe that fevers kill viruses and tumors, so it might not be such a terrible thing to have a fever. I hope you are resting and being kind to yourself.

    When I’m ill I am prone to terrible black moods. Physical illness generates negative ideas and emotions.

    I’m thinking about you and pulling for you, JP.

  2. Hang in there and get the rest you need. Please don’t try to push yourself, just enjoy the things you can (movies? etc) and rest rest rest. I’m looking out the window at the pouring rain and thinking, what a nice day to be stay inside….

  3. Hot tea and cuddle with doggies! That’s my favorite prescription for any cold.

    Feel better.
    No regrets.

  4. Leila A.: Thank you for your encouragement. πŸ™‚

    Foodie: It was nice to rest. πŸ™‚

    queenkv: Thank you for the good words. πŸ™‚

  5. That’s a shrewd answer to a tricky qutiosen

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