sunshine outside, cloudy inside

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Oh! I’m feeling physically better, thank you! I’ve gotten back on the exercise wagon again, because my back was hurting me so much I had to have some sort of relief plus why make myself feel WORSE.

The sunshine has returned–and while I love rain, it’s nice to have occasional sunshine. So I took the opportunity to turn my vegetable garden over and start some seeds and such. I found seed potatoes and planted some potatoes, too. (If anyone would like some seeds or my few leftover seed potatoes, let me know).

I think everytime I look into the future, I sense bleakness and so I put my head down again. I can really only concentrate on the NOW, something I learned while sick. Kind of like running, I think–you can’t always think about the finish line a long ways away, or the end of the treadmill workout, 30 minutes away. That’ll kill you. I just put my head down and focus on the present moment, get myself through the immediate seconds. It’s like that now. Except with the vegetable garden: I like to think about the future of that garden.

There’s still laughter in our house. I watched an episode of Martha Stewart with Keenan Thompson as guest and chuckled throughout their whole interaction (Martha didn’t know who Notorious B.I.G. was, and she and Keenan had a humorous discussion about THAT and then Keenan did crafts for the first time, and THAT was funny too).

I still feel overwhelmed. I feel like there is this black cloud inside of me and it keeps growing and growing and the bright part of me is getting backed into a corner. I wonder what will make the black cloud dissipate, and I think that’s just more exercise, and as much writing as I can get down, spending time with my husband, and with my friends. Maybe a few good home-cooked meals, or the discovery of a brilliant recipe, or a good book, or a compliment. And distractions like travel.

Oh, and I’m not sure if this is the best time to do it…but I’ve decided to break my addiction to chocolate. My husband knows that if you rifle through my pantry, you will discover pieces of brilliant gourmet chocolate here and there. I am never without chocolate. My favorite is the Ritter Sport brand milk chocolate with cornflakes. My oh my. But Callebaut milk chocolate is a close second. Closely followed by Valrhona. But even Hershey’s will do in a moment of desperation. And I love M&M’s. And Skor bars! And Snickers!!! Or chocolate chip cookies. Homemade of course. But Pepperidge farm in a pinch, too.

Uh. See? I had to stop the chocolate. But the withdrawal is a bummer–I keep craving the chocolate. It’s been 3 days now, without the chocolate. This feels almost as bad as when I quit cigarette smoking cold turkey. And without the chocolate, I find myself craving cigarettes.

Also–in sort of unrelated news, I went off my glucophage/metformin. I ran out of prescription. I switched primary care physicians and the drugstore wouldn’t refill off my old prescription because my old PCP won’t respond. And I’m too lazy to call my new PCP to refill. I asked my cardiologist to call in a refill when I went to visit him last week, and his office called in a prescription. But the pharmacy won’t fill THAT because they said it’s not exactly the same as the original prescription and they went my primary care physician to respond first. Blah blah blah.

As you know, I’m not into high maintenance health care crap. So I decided not to bother. So far so good. I’ve been taking glucophage/metformin for several years now (to treat my PCOS). So far, no weight gain. So far, no other signs of PCOS kicking back in…

p.s. Anonwupfan–I’ll get to your suggested blog topics/questions soon! They are really good questions.

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2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “sunshine outside, cloudy inside

  1. anonwupfan

    Thanks! You made my day twice. First with the gardening blog (I started my early seeds Friday–still cold here–and I am thrilled by the promise I see in my little sprouts) and then with the generous praise, aw shucks!

    Good luck JP. You are still trying and that, my friend, is all that we can do. As usual, I am inspired by your fine example.

  2. anonwupfan: I’ll have to do a full gardening post–my vegetable garden is nearly planted, with room left to accommodate the seeds germinating in my jiffy peat pots (yes I know peat’s bad for the environment–I only found out AFTER i bought the peat pots and used the). Plus I’m thinking about creating another tier and thus, more garden! Good luck to your veggie garden this year.

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