Hello, it’s March

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I’ve been thinking of a way to provide an update/insight into how my novel revision is going but there are no inspiring words to describe. In my head, the psychological video, if I were to play it for you on an uneven stucco wall, entails a lot of exhausted thrashing in lukewarm water. Not pretty, not productive, not comfortable. Not even organized or strategic.

A lot of panic and confusion. All the methodic/rhythmic progress I made on completing the first draft feels like a dream–was that me? Was that *this* novel? But I still love my novel and sit with that discomfort, because it’s worth it.

Some of my struggles stem from the fact that this has been a challenging teaching semester. A student who writes papers reminiscent of KKK philosophies, another student who plagiarized, and another who said made suicidal comments. An overenrolled class. TAs to train/mentor.

I like it, I even love it–but it’s as time consuming and heartbreaking and exhausting as it is inspiring. So, I haven’t had much time for this novel, either. I haven’t had much psychic space. I haven’t been very joyful in the last couple of months. In recent weeks, I have walked into my classroom with a positive attitude and outlook, and changed the dynamics within, so that we now have a strong and positive classroom community.

But I leave class exhausted this semester. Any energy I’ve mustered up is deposited into my students. I guess in life, I too, am thrashing in the water.

It’s March–springtime allergies are making me feel miserable; but my spring break is coming up, too–so I find myself preparing for a good writing week, somehow. That means doing an inventory on what I need to make psychic space and to feed my imagination for that week. Rest, exercise, good food.

I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I have slacked off on exercise this semester. And I certainly have not been eating healthy. Time to change all that.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life, Revising, The Novel, Writing

3 responses to “Hello, it’s March

  1. Good luck with the changes that spring and life are bringing you. If it’s any comfort, I understand the thrashing in the lukewarm water. I had a stinging review from someone I trust and I’m trying to find my way back in.

  2. hyunjin

    I hear that with each semester you teach, it does get a little less tiring. Hang in there. I find that the times in life when I’m most challenged and out of my comfort zone are the times when I look back on and find the most personal growth and learning.

    • HI charlotteotter–ugh…it’s awful when you take a risk and open your manuscript up to someone only to suffer a psychic setback. I know you will find your way back, and perhaps that journey will take you incredible places for your writing.

      hyunjin: I think I should just hibernate every March/April. 😉

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